”When I grow up and my husband has many lovers should I stay with him, Mamma” asked my almost 10 year old daughter. I got angry and asked her why should she do that? Why can’t you come back to me instead of being disrespected?
She looked at me and asked, “Mamma, if you tell me to do that, why are you not doing it for yourself. Can you ”unmarry”?
Her words tore me, it lifted a fog that was on me for almost two decades. Why don’t I recognize abuse as it is? It happens so slowly, like a dripping tap, drip, drip, drip, always in incremental doses, forgiven till next time, till forgiving and forgetting becomes your only choice.
Why did I stay?
The fog that I created to survive, hid from me domestic violence that had me ending up with a broken finger and bruises, verbal abuse and put downs that robbed my soul.
Drip, drip, drip…
I stayed in the marriage willfully closing my eyes because I believed that good catholic wives don’t divorce. I have no right to deprive my daughter of a family. My trauma which she had witnessed all her life spiraled my daughter into depression, anxiety attacks and set off auto immune conditions.
The dam broke.
The FOG finally cleared. It took another 3 years.
The divorce. The police case. Freedom. Today we wake up happy. We learned to trust again, to love again, to live again.